I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
