need another drink. this is the easiest way
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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