Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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