There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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