It's a beautiful day for a hangover
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
