I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
