Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
