I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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