Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just gift wrapped bread.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
