Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize