I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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