I should be sponsored by Trojan
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
