Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
