I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
