All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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