Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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