Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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