At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
