on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize