I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize