Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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