You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
