The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
