Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
