And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
