I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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