last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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