I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
