omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
