Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
