Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
