Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
