My friends, they love my intelligence
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
