I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
