So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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