was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
