you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Congratulations! We have a period
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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