the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
