Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
