I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
