your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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