I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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