I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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