You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
