There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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