I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
