I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Dignity is for republicans.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
