I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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