It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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