i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
