My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
