So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Bring me that man meat
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
