you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
