Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
