no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
