wakey wakey hands off snakey
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
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