Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
