I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
