I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize