Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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