oh god the rape fog is back!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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