I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
