wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
