clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
