Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
