jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
