Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
