There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
