You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
is it fun? or sober?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
