No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
