ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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