Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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