i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
