so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize